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Americans are watching more hours of TV than ever before. See if you recognize yourself on this list of the Top Signs You Watch Too Much TV.

• –You haven’t been outside for so long, even Nicole Kidman’s getting concerned about how pale you are.
• –Your wife catches you splashing around in the tub, simulating an episode of “Deadliest Catch”.
• –You can tell the difference between Brian Williams and Matt Lauer.
• –You can’t pick a song on the radio without consulting Randy, J-Lo and Steven Tyler.
• –You can’t have sex without Verne Lundquist doing the play-by-play.
• –Your ass has Barcalounger sores.
• –You’re always pointing the remote at your wife and pressing “mute.”
• –You know all the words to the “SpongeBob” song. And you’re not a five-year-old, or a stoner.
• –You get frustrated if family misunderstandings aren’t comically resolved within 22 minutes.
• –You name your four kids “N”, “C”, “I” and “S.”
• –You’ve dug up your entire front yard looking for an immunity idol.
• –You’ve gone blind from years of trying to decipher boobs on your scrambled Cinemax.
• –After a “CSI: Miami” marathon, you start whipping off your glasses and uttering cheesy one-liners.
• –The skin on your palm has started to grow over the remote.
• –The moon is slowly being pulled closer to the earth by the gravitational pull from your ass.
• –All your nightmares have Nancy Grace in them.
• –You think all Italians are orange and obnoxious.
• –The last time you had an argument with someone, for no explicable reason you yelled, “It’s my money and I need it NOW!”
• –You can look at Kyra Sedgwick without wincing.
• –You’re able to tell Dr. Oz from a Keebler elf.
• –You get into fistfights over who came first, “The Munsters” or “The Addams Family”.
• –You can name a TV show Dr. Drew is NOT on.
• –You can’t have a good day until Ellen dances.
• –You can actually tell when Leno is doing a joke he’s never done before.
• –You stop in the middle of sex to throw in a quick plug for Arby’s.
• –You have cable, satellite, DVR, TiVo, DVDs, Netflix Streaming, and Hulu Plus. And you’re still bored.
• –So you don’t miss anything, you’ve had a TV added to your bathroom. And a toilet added to your recliner.
• –You excuse yourself from a room by saying, “I’ll be back after these messages.”